I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
