I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
