just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
