I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
