he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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