Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
there was a trapeze. enough said
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
