you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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