He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
