I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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