I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
