??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
