In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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