Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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