if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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