Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
