we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
