Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
