I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
