Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
