shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
