Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
