i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
