I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
