We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
