First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
