Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
