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I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
