you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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