What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
