I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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