she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
