did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
