I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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