Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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