Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
