Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
