So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He shit in the fireplace
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
