just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
