Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
