the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
handjob tips. give me some.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
