so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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