He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
