Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
