Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
