Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
