This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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