We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
