what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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