shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im holly from the hills drunk
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
