So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
